Monday, January 21, 2013

2013 blows so far..

I am gonna get wordy and emotional so feel free to ignore me if you cant handle it..

Sometimes life gives you lemons and you are supposed to make lemonade...but sometimes life gives you lemons and you wanna go to your room and cry for days on end....and kick a hole in the wall just because.

Right now, I wanna do the latter and crawl in that hole 

This year, despite all the positive thoughts and premonitions I had, we have had nothing but shitty news after shitty news.

We are only 20 days into this year and I wanna start over.. 

I don't need to go into great details, but, I will summarize it for you... Bad news seems to be the only news we have been getting and if frankly, if I get anymore I may crack.

Firstly, we have not been blessed with the greatest health so far this year. We have all been sick and struggling to get on our feet again. The flu was nasty, but the downtime was worse...I missed meetings, had to cancel numerous work stuffs and had to keep G out of school.

Then we had some serious changes happen with the Ducks career and have since, everyday been trying to move upwards and onwards. This level of constant "trying to be positive" can be draining in it of itself.

Everything was on the up and up with work stuff until last week when I was bamboozled and ripped off by a painting crew. Nearly cost me my job and did in fact cost me thousands of dollars. It was such a bummer that the thought alone brings me to tears daily. 

and now, as if all this was not enough the Duck, G and I are off to the UK tomorrow to go visit and likely say goodbye to the Ducks beloved Nan. We are not emotionally prepared for what we may see and go through, nor can I afford to take the time off work as crass as that sounds.  We want to say "I love you" in person since we most likely only have one last chance. Its an awful and sad thought that I just don't want to think about. I have a day to prepare myself, my dog, my cat, my house, my employees, my clients and myself for an 11 hour flight then 3 hour drive to another country and time zone with a 3 year old that has a fever and what I suppose is a festering ear infection. On top of it all, I feel so bad for my Mother and sister in-law as well as my dear Ducky who just cant seem to catch a break. 

ALSO and this may be the worst thing (wink wink) I had 6 mother flickin moles removed from my back and 2 that need biopsies. I feel like I was dragged behind a truck on searing hot asphalt. 

Wah Wah Wah 

Now friends, maybe these don't seem like big problems, but they are my problems and because they are happening to me..they feel huge. In my little world this is sad and disruptive and makes me feel like I have been punched in the mouth repeatedly. Plus the people I love most are hurting, and this hurts me hard..  

Normally, I try not to bring my shit to this place, where I believe most of you come for inspiration and happy pretty things, but I just figured....it was time to get real. Not for sympathy, but for a release. 

This is my diary lovers.... and I already feel better for writing some of this shit down.

Anyways, I have nothing to show you right now and no smoke to blow up your beautiful booties about how fab life is.  I only have my bitching and moaning and self wallowing to share. 

I am taking a brief blog break while I kiss my husband and baby and bumble around Britain but I will stay active on instagram (amberinteriors)


Thanks for listening lovers and sorry for being a Debbie downer on 2013 so far. Hopefully shit will turn around soon and I can smile a bit. Hopefully your year is looking much brighter so far.

112 comments:

  1. Amber, I am so sorry to hear about all that you are going through. It sounds like an extremely rough patch. Remember that you are surrounded by people you love, and who love you and no matter what, you will get through this together. Praying for the Duck's nan and for good news regarding the moles. Safe trip to London. xox

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  2. I have a bad day and feel sorry for myself, but you have legit reasons to feel as if you are buried in a deep hole. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. This is probably a test, and I feel I can speak for others, you are one strong WOMAN. We are all here for you, bitch all you want!

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  3. :( so sorry, sista. nowhere to go but up! i'll be thinking of you and the fam. safe travels! oxox

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  4. Try not to worry too much about the moles... I have had at least 5 biopsies completed on removed moles and all came back clear. Derm's tend to err on the side of caution and prefer to remove more moles and might as well send some off for further inspection. I am sure the incisions will heal nicely - you can only see teeny tiny scars on my removal sites. They don't bother me at all. As for the other happenings... I am sincerely sorry to hear about it... keep the chin up!

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  5. I read this whole post...I rarely do that. Thank you for sharing how you're feeling...I feel this way and hate reading blogs that seem to never go through anything-AKA: real life and all its turns.

    Hang in there. Hold tight to Duck. Kiss your baby girl. Maybe close your eyes and wish it was April. It might come true.

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  6. Praying for you through these coming weeks!

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  7. Keep your chin up - Thanks for sharing - you are not alone!

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  8. amber - i am sorry for your family's hard times right now. i am sending good vibes your way. i hope you find some peace soon. and btw - thank you for writing all of this down. makes me feel like i know you better. or can see inside your life. to which i am always grateful because if its not real from time to time, what is anymore?

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  9. I am so sorry for all the difficult things you are all going through. Last November my husband and I flew to Australia to say goodbye to my wonderful 18 year old nephew, Josh, who was dying. He has suffered from Cystic Fibrosis and his small body could no longer endure it all. The flight was so difficult but being there for family was so important and taking any stress off just for a short time was our intention. We are still in grief. Take each day as it comes as life is precious and short. I will be thinking of you all and hope all goes as well as can be.

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  10. Oh, Sweetheart. It's so hard to go through life sometimes. I'm so sorry for all your worries right now. You know that it could be worse and yet, you still have to go through all this shit.
    You are strong. Your family is strong. Of course I could say that everything happens for a reason, and it does, but sometimes life just hands you shit. You gotta wipe your ass and go on.
    Good thoughts for you and yours.

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  11. Okay, so this may be too touchy feely or self helpy for you, BUT it just so happens that this month's Oprah magazine has Martha Beck column that is about dealing with this very situation. Not your exact details, but the everything bad is happening at once phenomenon. Since you are heading to an airport anyway, it might be a good one to pick up and read on the plane. :)

    I hope things start to look up soon.

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  12. My father in law is the biggest optimist I know...whenever the hubby and I are complaining about something he matter of factly tells us that no matter how bad we think our problems are someone has something worse...I guess it's to make us realize that it's not that bad and to be thankful our problems are the size they are...God doesn't throw anything at you that you can't handle...hopefully this will be the worse part of the year and things will only get brighter and better from her on!!

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  13. Keep your head up! Thank you for sharing your stories, it makes us all feel a little more human, like we all can go through these different situations together. Sending good vibes your way.

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  14. Oh no! So sorry to hear about this rough patch you are going through. It happends to us all and you'll get through it! It's just the beginning of 2013, there is so much time to make it a much better year.

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  15. Thanks for sharing. I much prefer the honesty. My thoughts are with you, sucks big time to be handling all of that (and it is a lot, for sure). Keep your chin up and remember that it is more than totally ok to give life the big middle finger sometimes. Hoping the trip goes well and that, when you return, things will start looking up.

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  16. Hang in there....life, it's sometimes tough, but it does get better. Thinking of you....
    Be well.
    xo~Jill

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  17. You are certainly not alone, we feel very similar... I found you looking at that beautiful bed, by the way, It gave me great happiness!! We can all clean things up, crawl into our comfy beds, with a great book and take ourselves away... every days a new day.. you are all in my prayers.. go make it a great day.. the best you can :)

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  18. I'm so sorry for all you are going through, but i think it's good to get it all out there even if it's just to unload for yourself. It's your blog- post whatever you want!

    Not to mention, it makes you seem real that not ever job goes perfectly. I'd make sure to put some Google reviews out on the company that ripped you off so you can help prevent it from happening to somebody else. (Plus it will probably make you feel a tiny bit better while writing it!)

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  19. Never feel bad for voicing your frustrations. Sometimes all you need to do is put it on paper (or in HTML) to make things come into perspective. Seeing, acknowledging and then dealing is an important part that I think many of us dont do. Take comfort in knowing that bad things happen and the source of your strength is around you even when you feel you are alone. Your husband, your child, your family and friends -- they are there to pick up the slack and will continue to do it because they know you would do the same. Good luck and God bless....

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  20. Aw, hun, I'm so sorry. Following a disgusting, humiliating breakup in high school, my very wise teacher pulled little tear-stained me aside and told me: "This, too, shall pass." I have kept that tidbit with me over the past few years, and it really comes in handy. 2011 was bar-none the worst year of my life - my immediate family experienced a divorce, a heart attack, a cancer diagnosis, and a Parkinson's diagnosis, along with multiple hospitalizations. At the time I felt completely overwhelmed - I couldn't believe that this was actually my life, that these things were all actually raining down on me. But...it passed. Was it easy? No. And I won't sugar-coat it and say, "I'm so much stronger for it!" Because in some ways, it knocked me down a peg (or two...or three). But it ended up becoming part of the fabric of who I am, and I redefined some things about myself and my life. Nothing magical came out of that dark period, but okay, maybe I'm a little wiser. More importantly, it ended. Things got better. My life found equilibrium again. I just figure it was the universe's way of testing me, the way it's testing you right now. So, I'm sorry, and I know it sucks, but just remember that eventually this difficult present will be a difficult past, and the pain you're feeling will become manageable, and you'll eventually have joys to balance the challenges.

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  21. Never apologize for being you. These things are affecting you, however big or small the problem. Getting a glimpse of your vulnerable side makes me admire you even more than all your mad design skills put together. Because it means that you are real, that you suffer from the same highs and lows, and most importantly that you have the brass balls to share it with us. As bloggers, we tend to only put forth the shiny bits so it is refreshing when we get a peak behind the curtain. Thanks for sharing. Sending good vibes to you and yours.

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  22. I hope for good things for you and your family in the near future! Life is testing you, and you will pass. Safe travels and if anything, there is no easy way to say goodbye, but think how blessed you are to actually be able to do so. So many regret not having the chance to say I love You one more time...I enjoy reading your blog everyday and this is the first comment I've made because it's a real comment on a real post. :)

    x Bianca @ www.aFabulousChallenge.com

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  23. Amber,
    I know we don't know each other, but I love both your blog and Instagram, and I am so sorry for all trials 2013 has brought. On one hand things, really, can only go up from here, but when you're watching your family struggle and going through your own sh*t too I know that doesn't really help anything. SO all I wanted to say was I'm sorry, and I'm sending good vibes your way! Have a great trip full of lots of love! XOXO

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  24. Praying for you and your family.

    I like to make plans: So here is my hypothetical plan for you...

    1. Start over again with the Chinese New Year. It's going to be great.
    2. Write a review on Angie's list for the painting crew that ripped you off. Not only will it help out a complete stranger, but it will be cathartic.
    3. Forgive those a-holes who ripped you off. Yes, they did cause you stress, harm, and a lot of hassle, but you know what is worse, festering hatred. Don't let them really win, Amber.
    4. Make a mental list of 10 things that you are grateful for each day. It can be soooo small. "I am thankful for the smell of my freshly washed hair out of the shower." I am thankful for the first sip of my favorite starb*cks beverage" I am thankful for the convenience of my dishwasher." "I am thankful for the feeling of clean socks." This will change not only your attitude, but you life.
    5. Stay off of google and self diagnosis of mole biopsy. This will only cause you to believe that you have 6 days left to live. Which doesn't do anyone any good.
    6. Even if you are busy, stop and pet that new puppy out on a walk with it's new owner. Stop and get an ice cream cone all by yourself, lift your face towards the sun when you walk outside, turn up the radio really loud when driving and belt out your best rendition of your favorite song. Smile at babies and chat up new moms at the grocery store or wherever, play (really play and get into it) dress-up with your daughter(get out all of your best jewelry, fanciest dresses and get lost in playing) go on a long walk with your husband just the 2 of you, and treat it as a date.
    7. remember that people who read your blog care about you in some strange way. And all of those positive thoughts and prayers for you and your family don't just disappear into the atmosphere.
    8. Have a really big tantrum about how bad this all 'sucks' by yourself. And let it all out.

    Will add your family to my prayer list. Be ultra kind to people, because really, everyone is fighting some sort of trouble themselves. And, kindness is contagious. Big hugs. Take care of you.
    KKRS

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    Replies
    1. i really love this post. it said everything i want to say! sending lots of love and good wishes your way. here's hoping 2013 turns around fast! xoxo

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  25. My sweet friend, holy crap, all I can think is when it rains it pours. I do hope on this sudden trip to the UK; although it sounds crazy to prepare for in such a short window of time, that you'll be given the opportunity to connect with family and say a proper good bye. Perhaps the time away, as difficult as it will be, will provide you with some necessary distraction and one can only hope that the rest will resolve itself upon your return.
    Safe travels Amber. Keeping you and your family in my best thoughts. xoxo

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  26. when things turn around, and ya know they will, you will be so happy! This b-crap only means UP from here, how exciting! Love yer blog and just so you know, you bring color and sunshine to my internet!

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  27. I am sorry to hear about your year so far. Things will be on the up and up soon for you! Try to keep smiling!! :) Sending warm hugs your way...

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  28. I'm so sorry to hear about all of this! Life sure does suck sometimes :( but it will get better! Hugs!!

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  29. Oh man...I was already teared up for you and your family and then I read what
    Anonymous KKRS wrote and have a lump in my throat...she is right , of course...and I need to practice what she says, too.
    Things will turn around. You will see. I am sending my best prayers and thoughts your way.

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  30. Bummer. Sorry it's been such a rough start. I just wanted to tell you what we do for ear aches. Peel and smoosh a few cloves of garlic. Warm garlic and olive oil for a bit (10 minutes or so). The oil should smell garlicky. Let cool. Have G lay down and put a few drops in. ( I don't measure, but I would guess we do five or so) Have him stay laying down for 10-15 minutes. This has taken care of any ear infection within a couple of days. Hope it helps.

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  31. Sweet little lewis family!! i'm sorry you're in a shit hole...but the positive side of that, is those shitty things always come balled up together, then they move on. So you're getting it all now, but (so cliche), things will get better, and 2013 will start to go your way. So much positive mojo being sent your way, lovie!! Losing a 'Nan' sucks donkey di#$s, Duck is lucky to have such a sweet wife by his side.

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  32. For the Ducks career changes, open a bottle of bubbly (or suitable cough medicine) and cheer for the wonderful opportunities this WILL bring you. For the painting dilemma, phew, your job is intact and you now have the valuable asset of hindsight to protect you from encountering these demons (err nasty tradespeople) again. As for the little one and I suspect possibly you and the Duck, an extra strong dose of medicine (remember always consult with your medical practitioner), to combat the extra stress that travel, especially overseas, can inflict on us all. But above all be grateful that we live in the 21st century , where air travel is at our disposal, as are computers and telecommunications (for any work that needs urgent attention) and you and your family have the opportunity to spend time with a loved one while they are still around to share your love and wishes. Please be assured this is not sent to diminish the sense of heartache that you are feeling right now, it truly is a monumental time you are dealing with, even if you were all in the best of health. Just a wish and a few anecdotal ideas (via Oprah and the like) sent to you in your time of need, hoping that soon all these problems will dissipate and leave you all in the glow of happiness and excellent health once again. Be kind to yourselves, always.

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  33. Sounds like you have a lot of reasons to be down in the dumps! Life is not all sugar lumps and rose petals, sometimes shit happens but it will get better! For now just remember to breathe, look after yourself, and just take it one day at a time. Sending you a virtual hug from Aussie land hope that helps x

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  34. So sorry to hear about all of this, Things will get better, just pray.

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  35. I'm sorry to hear about all that you're going through. I subscribe to only a few blogs and yours is one of them. I absolutely love your designs and wish I could hire you for my house. It's humbling to hear about what you're going through. Reading your blog it's easy to imagine that your life is perfect and I know how naive that sounds! Keep your chin up, as my father would say (he's British). I know things will look up soon! Best,
    Elizabeth

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  36. Hugs to you and your sweet family.

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  37. I'm so sorry you've had such a shit year. But you're right, getting it all out feels much better. Keeping you and the fam in my thoughts! xo

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  38. Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts about life's challenges...best of everything to you and your family.

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  39. Thank you for this post. My 2013 sucks donkeys too, so far and somehow, it made me feel better to listen to you vent. I wish you the best on your trip. Hopefully, things will start looking up for all of us.

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  40. so sorry sweetie pie. take care of yourself and please for the love of christ stop doing those GD bullshit starvation juice cleanses. they ALWAYS make you (everyone) sick.
    kiss your husband and nan. i hope things get infinitely better starting right now.
    wallowing in self pity is ok for a spell.
    xo
    jenny

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  41. From time to time we all need to vent. I've had sometime what seems like years of no sunshine. But with a loving husband and great kids. I've made it through. I'm sure there'll be more challenges in the future. Things will get better. Have a safe trip, and remember we're all out here for you when you need us.

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  42. ahh, lots of love to you and your family, i'll keep you and your fam in all of my loving thoughts!

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  43. Oh honey. Sending you good vibes and hugs. I hope that you can remember that things will get better. Sometimes you have to just go into survival mode to make it through tough times. Then eventually it gets better. Its nice that you have a place to vent, and I hope that you feel all the love coming your way!

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  44. Hang in there! Sun always comes after the rain.

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  45. It is really refreshing to see a blogger write some real talk. Yes I come to blogs and Pinterest for inspiration and happiness and to find quotes about how great life is. But ... sometimes it seems like an unreal world where everyone has endless money and happiness, and people make a very hard effort to portray their lives as perfect. It kind of freaks me out sometimes. So I know this was your release and I'm sorry that you have been feeling that way. But I really do appreciate you putting it out there. Real talk. So necessary from time to time. lovespongealana.blogspot.com

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  46. Hi! Im new to your blog and love it.

    This post was absolyutely beautiful in the sense of its sheer truth. Alot of people DO come here for inspiration but noting is more inspiring than listening to someone who is possibly going through the same issues as YOU. Youre problems are yours and of course theyre important..noone should compare 'crisis'. You are validated in your feelings!

    S*** on a stick now but You are wonderful and you will get past these hurdles!

    Diyanna

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  47. Oh I am SO sorry you're having a rough year so far!!! Prayers coming your way! XO

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  48. Hope you are feeling better soon! I love your blog and your design work. You are a super star!! I too have been going through a rough patch and can totally relate. Take care and things WILL get better! xo

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  49. RIGHT ON!! ME TOO!! LOL! I can not even begin to tell you the wave of relief reading your post...I Get IT! I Hear You!
    I cant tell if its flu leftovers or just my brain lingering in sadness. I know this will move on-uh, it better! my $$$ maker is dependant on my good health and equally good attitude- but right now Im getting okay with just being cranky, sad, curling up reading and I do not want any efing cheerleeders trying to pollyanna my current state. Thanks for your brutally blunt honesty, much appreciated!
    -a

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  50. I feel you Amber, and hope things turn around for you and your loved ones soon. First of all, hope you all start feeling healthy, cause you know your odds are stacked when you feel like crap. Im so sorry about G's Nana, I have been there and it stinks- there is no other way around that one but through it, so I hope seeing her and telling her you love her makes you, and her feel at peace. Take moments for yourself, hot baths ( when you back heals) or pedicure or lunch with a friend, to feed your soul. Hope your ducks get in their rows soon. It is touch being a mom, wife, daughter, etc. It just is.
    xoxo Nancy
    Powellbrowerhome.com

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  51. Awe sweetie that all just sucks!! I experienced a lot of this last year and all I can offer you is that this too shall pass. Keep doing your thing and being you and good things will roll around again.

    Good luck with the travel and I hope your goodbyes and I love you go as well as possible.

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  52. But my beautiful ass needs the smoke! I know that you will find peace, little by little. *hugs*

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  54. I know I am late to read this but I felt compelled to write - I come to your blog to see/hear/read about whats happening in your life no matter what it looks like, and life is certainly not always pretty! This year has been fairly craptacular so far for my little family as well and I can only hope this is the universe's way of clearing out the negative so that the rest of the year can bring calm waters. Cheers to you and yours!

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  55. Damn Amber. That is bad on bad on bad on bad. I'm so sorry and am thinking about you.

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